weekend (in breif)

okay, so last week wasn't the greatest, but it started to pick up towards the end. i got some really awesome e-mails from my assorted lovers... ummm... i mean friends and family AND i even got to chat with kate on instant messenger. i have decided that IM is even BETTER than sliced bread. mmm... have i mentioned how good swedish bröd (bröd = bread, just in case you didn't know) is?

after two unsuccessful attempts in the computer lab to focus and begin writing this paper titled, "borges, kaufman and us: the complication of self in five screenplays," i decided to let it be. and, that was a great relief. joe says that it will come together. i am trying to have faith, but really have absolutely no idea what "enlightenment" i am supposed to impart upon my readers. i think an important part of discovering the answer to this dilemma is to, in fact, be enlightened myself. as this has not happened, i guess i can hunker in the dark for a few more days.

so, that catches us up to mid-friday. for those of you who didn't know, friday was david and my six-month-i-versary, so that was both exciting and a little sad (as this little pond, i think most people call it the atlantic ocean, separates us). i wrote a long, rather involved e-mail to him, though, and it made me feel all nice and warm and... well... you can fill in the rest.

anyways, i left the computer lab and went to the bergshamra festival (the little town where i live). there were a whole bunch of little kids living it up in front of the stage, but that was about it. went home and got awesome advice from a kindred-second-hand-shopper-and-knitter and to top if off, fellow spanish-speaker (a.k.a theres, one of my corridor mates) as to the best places to frequent in stockholm. i got a great night's sleep and headed out bright and early (around nine) on saturday morning... saw beautiful buildings... and this great old-lady-hat (though used hats make me feel a little creepy... i almost bought it, but decided it was too expensive and too small... in retrospect, i am not at all sorry)... and the beautiful blue sky!! (though i didn't bring my camera because it would be just another thing to carry around al day). I ate at this vegetarinsk resturantåg, govinda's. it was the best food i had had in two weeks, so it was difficult to stop eating even when my stomach began to complain. afterwards, i found a park (not a difficult thing to do in stockholm, just stand at an intersection and scan 360 degrees and you are bound to see one somewhere) and laid in the grass and read (until my stomach stopped hurting).

i went to huddinge (one stop farther than södertörns högskola) for a punk concert... met theres there and we made buttons. mine is rather abstract... and that is all i will say about that. if you want to know how abstract, maybe you should just come and visit, maybe i will feel generous and give it to you. or, take you to a festival to make your very own button!! how's that for incentive?

sunday... ahh... glorious sunday. it was a beautiful day! i went to kyrka (pronounced something similar to "sheer-ka") and then to a picnic out in billinge (northeast of stockholm). had a traditional swedish summer-lunch with potatisalad and bröd with lätta (which is a type/brand of butter, not entirely sure) and cheddar cheese (yes, butter and cheese... it is sooooo good). afterwards, we went on this "traditional" swedish activity. you receive this piece of paper and then you navigate your way through the woods (this is not very difficult because there are markings, you are in a group, etc.) and find these signs. each sign has a question and three answers (that are listed as the following 1- X- 2- instead of 1- 2- 3- ). the person/team with the most correct answers wins. in this case, it was an ice-cream and my partner and i found ourselves gobbling down ice cream shortly after.

a cultural note: we had coffee twice (and coffee is always accompanied by a cookie/cake) within a three hour period!

i met really nice people, especially rune andhis wife anna-marie who have invited me to their house and to future sight-seeing trips! i was quite enthused by this.

returned home in the early evening... received a call from horribly-hot florida (my ear nearly burned off just talking) and that was fantastic. then, i went for a perfectly wondrous hour and twenty minute run in the woods. the weather is absolutely the best running weather i have ever experienced. i watched the sun set through the trees and even found some hidden soccer fields and a swimming pool!

my hall mates and i watched the usual suspect with kevin spacey and others in the evening (yes, they play really great movies for free on television every day of the week on every channel!).

the best treat was yet to come... i got a phone call from my sweetie and it was... ahh... marvelous. i went to bed and woke up and ate breakfast and came to school and bought some texts and went to the library and the book i need is in use for the day and then i came here and wrote all this down! whew!

oh yeah, and somewhere, in the midst of all that hullabaloo last night, i hand-washed my underwear in the bathroom sink (but i am sure you didn't really want to know that).

yay!! the end....

when i'm big

http://www.suffolkcam.co.uk/ilfracombe_clovelly_donkeys.jpg

when i'm big and strong and have lots of money to do stuff that i want to do, i'm gonna buy a big cobblestone hill somewhere (it doesn't really matter where) and then i'm gonna search in the classifieds and on the in-ter-net until i find a listing for a pregnant donkey. when i find it, i'm gonna take my private helicopter and i'm gonna tell my private helicopter driver (whom i employed solely for the purpose of this trip) to, "start that engine, baby, cuz we're going on a little trip!" then, i'm gonna fly to that lucky donkey's barn and i'm gonna squat down. and you know what i'm gonna do?

i'm gonna wait.

i'm gonna wait until that she-donkey gives a great "hee-haw" and then i'm gonna hold out my arms and catch that baby. and i'm gonna raise that baby donkey real good. i'm gonna learn it how to be nice and sweet and when it's all growed, i'm gonna put it on my cobblestone hill. and i'm gonna watch it run up and down that cobblestone hill. and, one day, when the flowers are in full bloom i'm gonna take a picture of my donkey and my cobblestone hill.

and, i'm gonna post that picture on the in-ter-net so that i can tell all my friends to go and see that picture. and that picture is gonna prove to the whole wide world that dreams really do come true.

to the observant reader

to the obeservant reader,

you will notice that i changed the title of my blog. why? you ask.

because.

just because i like it here and think i will stay (on this blogging site i mean... i know you were worried that i meant Sweden, but no fear! i will return to johnson city in all it's beauty and glory sooner than you know!! ha-ha because that's the power i have... i can travel at the speed of sound and appear in the middle of the night... when you least expect it... just when your guard is down and you're sure i've been lost to the sverige way of life... that's when i will pop-up beside your bed and say, "duh-duh-duh-duh (like a trumpet sounding) ka-ate...ka-ate...come play with us!").

some funny sayings

for your pleasure and entertainment, i have begun compiling a list of funny things to say to people in swedish (you are on your own with pronunciation, i have only read these as subtitles from english movies).

*ni är så rar (you are so sweet)
*väkarte!! (security!!) of course, this is only to be shouted at the top of your lungs!
*det är barabåg (it's bullshit)
*håll tyst! (shut up!) a warning... this is considered quite insulting here.
*lyssna nu (here's the thing)
*kissar (verb form of "piss" as a noun, kissa)
*varför inte (why not... i know how to say this one... var-four-in-ta)
*glöm det (not a chance)
*ingen aning (i don't know)
*sötnos (doll face, maybe honeypie, though not exactly sure how these are interchangeable)
*gick det bra? (are you alright?)
*sovrummet (bedroom) scandalous, i know....
*raring (sweetie)
*gullet (sugarplum)
*jag älskar dig (i love you)
*har du nåt emet det? (do you mind?)
*du är ond (you are evil) i kinda like this one....
*det är sant (that's true)
*jag hatar dig ( i hate you) i think this might be right, but i'm not promising anything on this one

the kitchen

a little birdie in my ear said these blogs sounded a bit down, so this is just a moment's explanation.

i have learned a small something about myself in these two weeks here... there is this special place inside my head where i go when the dancing life around me gets too big and too confusing. from here on, i will call it: the kitchen.

the kitchen, you ask? but, allyssa, why the kit-chen?
it is quite simple, i reply.

the kitchen is a complex place. it is a bright place, perhaps the brightest place in the whole house. there are lots of windows... beautiful palladium windows through which the bright afternoon sun blazes, out of which a perfectly manicured garden is visible... with tulips... lots and lots of tulips (they are my favorite, you know). in the kitchen, everything is neat and clean and shiny... it has to be, you see, because this is where the nourishment for the body is prepared. everything has its proper place... everything is organized.

but, the kitchen can be more than the serene better-homes-and-gardens picture of perfection. the kitchen is the beat of the house. it is alive with conversation and noise and the deliciousness of meals to-be. the kitchen is where the hungry go to be refueled--physically, emotionally, and spiritually.

i have spent two weeks in the kitchen... thinking... observing... reflecting. i have spent so much time inside myself, i have reached this blissful level of mellowness. I like the way that word looks... mellowness. Say it with me... mellowness. i think Crayola should make a color out of it.

anyways, what i am trying to say in a rather fanciful manner, is that, i have spent two weeks internalizing all this newness, this swedishness, this european spirit.

it is like i am a little girl all over again. my absolute favorite thing to do at the supermarket used to be to just sit in that little cart-sitter thing at the front of... yes, you've guessed it... the cart and watch people. I watched old ladies pick up a pieces of fruit, inspect them, sniff them, and then place them carefully in their carts so as not to bruise these precious jewels. or, I studied infantbehaviour. first, there is a crinkle up of the nose, then the face starts to get red, and just when you think it is going to let out this huge, gasping scream, you hear a mostrous squirting noise and you can't help but giggle.

i think, as we get older, we learn to spend less time observing and delighting in the world around us. instead, we spend out time huffing and puffing about how inconveinent life has trying to navigate through all this people-traffic. this time in a foreign country has left me with two choices (there maybe more, but i am trying to make a quick point here): 1. i can huff and puff and blow houses down... oops, no... that's not it... umm... i can spend this time here carrying on life as i would in the u.s. or, 2. i can spend time watching... like some private inspector... maybe i should go and buy a khaki coat and hat and a pair of ridiculously large sunglasses. or, maybe i could find a pair of those nose/mustache/eye combo. dealio disguise thingys... yeah, that would be cool. and, i could carry around city stockholm paper to blend in with all the commuters... to throw everyone off into thinking i am a true svensson. but seriously, until i learn some swedish, i am left to watch other people interact, perhaps learn a few words from eavesdropping on their conversation, but probably not. when i get tired of doing that, i through huge parties in my kitchen and invite all the weird people i have seen. tonight, i am going to invite the woman who was eating an ice cream bar at 9:30 a.m. while reading (rather surreptitiously) a dirty romance novel. maybe the coldness of the treat was to counteract the heated love scenes she was imagining herself in. i wonder if she would like to talk to the rowdy, drunk high school students that were singing old swedish ballads last night. or, maybe that would make her a bit uncomfortable... i bet it would be an amusing scene nonetheless.

reflection

"i watch the cars go by for a while on the highway. something lonely about them. not lonely--worse. nothing. like the attendant's expression when he filled the tank. nothing. a nothing curb, by some nothing gravel, at a nothing intersection, going nowhere. something about the car drivers too... they all look like they're in a funeral procession. once in a while one gives a quick glance and then looks away expressionlessly, as if minding his own business, as if embarrassed that we might have noticed he was looking at us... the driving is different too. the cars seem to be moving at a steady maximum speed for in-town driving, as though they want to get somewhere, as though what's here right now is just something to get through. the drivers seem to be thinking about where they want to be rather than where they are." --Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance

it is so noisy on here. the mornings start quiet, silent. at four-thirty a.m., the sun sneaks around the berry-red curtains (though i have pulled them as tightly closed as i can). this incredibly warm feeling wakes me... i look at the clock, decide it is much to early to rise, and go back to sleep. but not now. now, i am trying to make elevator-music out of the sing-song conversation around me. i pull out my book and read. slowly, carefully, i devour every english word. my mind's tongue dances on every familiar, calming syllable. the words roll together, the sentences form and the brain realizes the meaning.

STOP!

my mysitcal world disappears. i re-read the paragraph, look up, and really see what is around me. an old man is sitting across from his wife. every once in a while they trade sections of the newspaper and exchange loving glances that tell the years and conversations they've shared. two girlfriends eat cheese-bagels and share an orange juice; the blonde one gives an european side-cheek kiss before she gets up at her stop. across the way a lady gets on with her bike and starts a conversation with a group of people standing near the door. perhaps they are all friends meeting on the train. "the drivers seem to be thinking about where they want to be rather than where they are." here, with these people, every moment is to be enjoyed.

i wonder if it is the weather. it sounds stupid, but i think about it. the weather is chaotic, unpredictable, uncontrollable. it affects everything: the way one feels, what activities one does, the traditions one has. it underlies the cultural vibe. swedes say that there is no bad weather, only bad clothing. if they can live through nightless-days and dayless-nights, through excruciatingly cold winters and wonderfully warm summers, there must be something to this swedish weather.

i visited many other cities. i even lived and worked in chicago for a summer, and i love the memories from that summer. but, i do remember the walking zombies that pirsig describes. the rushing--but never getting anywhere; the downturned heads--never looking, never seeing; the silent strangers--passing the same faces everyday, i became just another lost in this crowd. but, not here, not in stockholm. this city has a feeling-- a beat-- a fever, if you will.

for almost two weeks, i have remained in my safe little american bubble. i have carried on as if i had been transported into just another american city-- i have been avoiding this all-consuming swedish culture. i tell myself that my attitude needs re-adjustment. i came here for a life changing experience, not for a tour of sweden. who was that guy who said that being a traveler involves actively searching, while being a tourist is just passively viewing scenery? i put my book down. i choose to be a traveler.

a week of adventure

i have been in this country for a few hours more than a week. it has been a rather full week, which explains why it feels much longer than 7 days, 1 hour, 35 minutes, and 36 seconds... not that i am keeping track or anything =)

having said that, i guess it is only appropriate that i summarize what, exactly, i have been doing.

during the day, i have been attending various orientation workshops. in one of them, this russian lady got up and practically read straight out of that culture shock book that i spent all summer reading (i do recall that her phrasing was verbatim from certain sections). they introduced her as some sort of expert, so maybe she wrote the book.

i have tried several "typical swedish treats," though i doubt their extreme-vegetarian-ness. the first was the kannelbullar (a sweet bun with lots of cinnamon and cardamom). it was served with coffee. the other i bought from a bakery when i went to open a bank account in huddinge. it is called havreboll (though the lady didn't know the english equivalent). i think that it tasted something like a cookie dough ball rolled in coconut. i found out later that it is simply flour, lots of sugar, butter, and a few other things rolled together. yummm....

we also took a bus tour of stockholm, had a picnic in röddinge (a beautiful little town on the lake), and had a party in the university's pub (poolen). i managed to lose my rather expensive travel card and had a not-so-amusing meeting with some drunk swedes at the flemmingsberg station where i was waiting for the pendeltåg train. when my phone card turned out not to work, i joined the crowd of technologically-driven and bought a mobile phone. my corridor mates and i attended the free park theatre production of walking mad and... oh gosh, i can't remember the other number's name... by the local baleten. it was held in vitasbergparken on their roman stadium seats =)

other than these planned activities, i've been exploring the city and the small town, bergshamra, where i live. there is a beautiful shore in ulriksdal, which is about an eight-minute jog from my room. i also braved willy's, the biggest and supposedly cheapest supermarket here. i think it took me an hour and a half to get a few necessities. i laughed at myself and my earlier notion that going to kroger's with kate takes a long time....

i have the next few days to work on some work for ETSU and to prepare for the beginning of classes next week. i start off the semester with history and swedish.

all in all, i feel like i am somewhat adapting to the lifestyle here, even though i did go for a jog this morning in a t-shirt and running shorts... a serious mistake. i can notice a sizeable difference in the temperature from just last week. the wind is already picking up the chill of autumn and making a good cup of hot chocolate more appealing every minute spent outside. it will only be a few more weeks before i will have to break down and buy a few warm sweaters and a hat. for now, though, i am content with a light sweater and jacket.

as i have been sharing all these experiences, i feel that it is only appropriate to also share some new words that i have learned, so here goes (all swedes please pardon any spelling errors):

tack su myket... thanks so much
eurshekta... excuse me
apelsiner... orange
morötter...carrot
tomater...tomato (big surprise)
koks...coconut
sötmandel...almonds
lätt... light
mjilk... milk
välkommen...welcome
hej... hey or hello or something equivalent to a greeting
goo moron...good morning
kommer...coming, or to come?
dag...day (especially useful when added to mön, tis, ons, etc.)

well, my behind has actually passed the state of being asleep and is now just sending intermittent twinges, so i best go and do something that involves some standing for a while.

today is the day (or yesterday, i suppose)

august 16, 2004
stockholm, 15.40

arrived....

(that in itself, deserves a few lines of space, thought, and respect).

the trip, while rather uniteresting, was quite long. in all the late nights that i have had, none can compare to sitting next to a 5-year old-poker-playing-irish boy and his father. i laughed through his karaoke style, "i like the way you move," a la raffi (with the moves of the jackson five... well, not all of them, perhaps just michael).

would never have thought that an "overnight flight" meant back-to-back meals and an endless cycle of friends and seinfeld re-runs. it was quite odd to leave the u.s. in the dark of the night, and to, only hours later, see light beaming through the windows.

stepping into the world of the swedes, gave me a twinge of uneasiness. while not exactly finding my presence discouraged, i felt oddly out of place... a spectator among a group of people not too keen on being watched. nevertheless, i suppressed the urge to sprint back to the concourse, jump on the plane, and forget any of this had ever happened.

i spent the remainder of the afternoon and evening trying to extract some sense out of this city and deposit it into my exhausted brain. eric and i toured different areas of stockholm, though where we went and what he said are mere smudges in my memory.

i do remember a quite valuable realization, however. Packing all of one's belongings into a rather bulky bag, is not necessarily something for which one should strive, mostly because it is quite cumbersome to navigate said item around a huge city with the sole use of public transportation. i now understand the appeal of these hiking backpacks. my whole body worships the rolley-luggage inventors, oh how i long for thee.

kungshamara is a nice little area for student housing. my room has its own bath and two big windows. funny, all of my corridor mates seem rather old. i haven't asked their ages, as that somehow seems like it would be rude, but most have traveled quite a bit and seem more like my parents than my peers. they certainly seem to have a pile of advice to share. i feel a cell phone will be calling itself into my life....